my wife

Over the last few days, I have been thinking alot about my wife, Paulette. Not in a dirty way, but how much she really makes me happy and what a blessing she is in my life. Just a little history about us.... We have known each other since we were kids, 31/2 years old infact, and we have been best friends ever since. As I think back, I know that she always liked me. In kindergarden our sisters were friends, so I would go with Kimmy to walk to school with Jen and Paulette. My shy heart almost burst when she kissed me on the way to school one day. I was five and didn't know what to think so I turned red in the face and kept walking to school. Since then, we were always friends. I can honestly say that in Jr High, and High School we weren't as close of friends. I was spending alot of time in afterschool activities, and Paulette had her music. Although now I know that those years would have been easier with another shoulder to lean on. We went to church together but we just weren't as close. Our senior year was the year that we started to hang out more and a few more friends came into our wierd group. It wasn't until we graduated and I was getting ready to go on a mission that I began to realize that I was falling in love. However I had already sent in my mission papers and decided I was going and why complicate things. I also conviently left out that I was chicken when speaking to people, especially girls. Infact, I would have left to go to Argentina without even asking her out on a single date, then she asked me out to dinner and a movie. We watched Prince of Egypt and named Bobfag the Camel. When I took her home, I felt pretty bad and couldn't stand it so I said, "You'll probably be married when I get back." Then I left. On my mission, I was very busy, and wasn't very good about writting letters home. When I got home, I was home for a day and a half then flew to Arizona to see Paulette. Nice when you're parents move while you're gone. Paulette left that next monday to go on her mission to Australia. When she got home, I waited 6months to call her because I was afraid that she may have changed or that she may not feel the same about me. Anyways.... to make a long story short, we were married July 5, 2003 in the Mesa Arizona temple. Like any new couple, we have our strugles and things that we want to improve. At times in the past, things have seemed almost unbearable. It has been a continuing learning process to sort out feelings, desires, and why things cause certain feelings, and desires. I love my wife very much and i what her to be happy. I hope that i can be the strenght that she needs.

LOVIES<3<3<3<3

Well tomorrow, I will be 29 years old. I have received the reality that I am older than I want and have accomplished little, as to my aspirations in High School. I have a strong desire to go back to school and get a degree in something. I still am torn between what I would enjoy doing as a long term career. I enjoy many things and I am utterly befuddled as to what one thing I could see myself doing in 30 years. I would enjoy Nursing, or anything in the Medical field. As well as Fabrication in sheet metal or Steel works. Woodworking, computers (networking, programming, building, Tech), construction, retail, manager positions(business Management), Engineering(mechanical or electrical), Dental(dentist, hygienist), Sales(BY FAR MY LEAST FAVORITE), Design(CAD, Interior Design), Drafting, and so forth.

I feel stuck in that I have a job that barely pays the bills with enough left for food and to have $20 spending money(for 2 weeks). I just feel that I work hard and just can’t get ahead of the bills. At least, with my new job in Utah I won’t need to worry about the company going out of business. We are a specialized company that does a lot for the military and medical industries. I enjoy my job and love the company. I just don’t know what kind of raises if any I’ll get. I’ve been burned by more than one company that requires you to meet the work load of 3 people, and gives you 20 cents and hour raise per year. I don’t mean to just sound complaining. I just think better if I can see and review my thoughts. Then I can see if this is really the way I feel or if I don’t quite understand it all yet. This blog is for my random ramblings and thoughts. Hope you get insight as to my true thoughts and feelings and the love I have for life, even with the hard times. Until my sanity returns, hopefully soon.